NASHVILLE recap: “That’s My Story”

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Gunnar, Will and Avery think they should be a trio. Deacon, Bucky and Jessie go check them out at a club gig. Afterwards, when Avery calls Juliette to tell her how it went, she tries to use her pseudo-psycho cult babble on him and he still isn’t biting. He explains to her that life is more complicated than her cult mumbo jumbo.

Daphne is paired with Jessie’s weird kid, Jake, for the science class frog dissection. When we cut up the frog, can we cut out these teen storylines? Yawn would be an understatement. Jessie’s kid is squeamish and Daph is having to do all of the cutting. When weirdo gets too grossed out, he jumps up to leave and Daphne goes after him. They start to talk about how his dad is a crazy bastard and then he calls Deacon a rage-a-holic. He says this information is based on Maddie’s courtroom testimony. Daphne shuts him up.

Deacon and Bucky liked the guy’s show, but Avery thinks that his chemistry with Gunnar and Will is a bit off. Deacon agrees maybe they should all work on an identity and cohesion. Hey, I am cool with that as long as I am in the middle of that three-way manwich. Jessie thinks they have the makings of a boy band. Anyway, Bucky suggests they play some random music festival that always happens to conveniently pop up when needed in fake Nashville.

Scarlett goes to her first day training to do equine therapy. It’s where horses are used to help people with psychological problems. Her first assignment is to just observe a group of teenagers. When one sees her smiling, they think she is laughing at them. So, Scarlett gets in trouble for no reason. If this was a real place to help people, they wouldn’t jump Scarlett’s shit for something like that. But, we have to make Skinny the victim somehow.

At cult HQ, Juliette passes a room where she hears a woman uncontrollably sobbing. I’m assuming they forced her to watch several CMT-produced episodes of Nashville. Darius explains the woman was going through what is known as a Witnessing and it’s the second phase in the cult mind control, oops, I mean training. But, Darius wants Juliette to focus on a memory from her childhood when she was most happy. But, it’s obvious her memory is a weird, traumatic thing, so, she stops the session.

Gunn, Will and Avery are trying to put a set list together and can’t seem to agree on anything. Maybe they should just take off their shirts and have a slumber party? It really would make the show more watchable. Well, I guess this is when Will’s roid rage will kick in. He does start doing like arm exercises or something when they take a break.

Daphne gets detention for leaving class without permission. She tells Maddie how Jake said Deacon was a rage-a-holic. Maddie tells Deacon about it. So, Deacon calls Jessie to see what the heck is going on. Jessie is positive Jake heard it from his douche waffle father, Brad. Deacon tries to explain that he isn’t a violent jerk and Jessie knows he isn’t.

Juliette has coffee with Hallie and apologizes for the way she treated her. Hallie is aware of the cult thing. Anyway, Juliette says she feels like she is heading for something big in her life and she thinks she will also have to go through some pain to get there. Hallie had a similar experience at Bible camp. Okay, but typically Christianity has this thing called free will. I don’t think the cult looks too fondly on that.

Juliette and Avery go to see Hallie and Deacon perform at the Bluebird. Afterwards, Juliette gushes to Deacon about the cult. Later, Avery tells Deacon he thinks her obsession is a bit scary. Avery knew a kid who got involved with a cult and it really screwed that guy up. Deacon thinks it might be a little like some people he’s seen in AA and Avery should let her explore it a bit more. PLEASE let this escalate into Juliette getting involved into some weird X-Files level voodoo. This show needs a shot of No Doz STAT! Where is Glenn when you need him?

After rehearsal, Gunnar is still irritated with Will and they start to argue. Avery points out that Gunnar is too mopey and Will is too cocky and they both need a little of what each other is having. Does that make sense? Who cares. This show will end soon and we won’t have to deal with these pointless plotlines.

Scrawny has been relegated to cleaning poop out of stalls when she watches a group of people working with a horse and a regulation hot guy turns down the chance to pet the animal. Later, she watches a teenager have a breakdown and then a horse come to her side with comforting affection.

Juliette’s next visit to the cult building has a member greeting her and explaining it’s time for her Witnessing. Please let things get freaky. Please let things get freaky. Please let things get freaky. Anyway, they have Juliette laying down surrounded by candles and other members gathered around. Darius again asks her to go back to the memory from her past that seems sketchy. It seems that Juliette’s mom prostituted her out to men when she was like 7 years old. During Juliette’s flashback, she has the uncontrollable sobbing experience. After this scene, we immediately see Claire Bowen (Scarlett) doing a PSA for the National Sexual Assault Hotline. Good call on that one, CMT. For those of you who need it, the number is 1-800-656-HOPE. You are not alone, my loves. You are not alone.

Will, Gunn Gunn and Avery are gearing up for the festival gig that appears to be somewhere in Riverfront Park. Deacon and Bucky arrive and explain that their different personalities can all work together if they would just let them. So, this plotline is lamer than Maddie’s and it takes work to out-lame Maddie, ya’ll.

Daphne and Jake’s detention means them having to stay after school and clean classrooms. Jake thinks she told Deacon about his rage comment. Nope, Daphne, you told Maddie who has a big mouth and is a pointless character. Jake is super pissed because he has to apologize to Deacon in person and has no cell phone for two weeks. Then, they start making a joke about Deacon’s alleged rage abuse. Wow, Nashville. Way to do something about abuse and then pull it back.

Scarlett is cleaning up the poops when the hottie guy (his name is Sean) goes into a stall and tries to brush a horse, but it freaks and runs. Scarlett steps in and calms it, returning it to the stall.  When he leaves, the lady running the equine therapy ranch explains he is her nephew staying with her for a while.

At the festival, the guys bust into their version of N’Sync’s “It’s Tearing Up My Heart” for Jessie. They even do some choreography and it is quite adorable.  Okay, let’s get real. New Kids on the Block were Jessie’s boy band crushes. N’Sync was a leetle after her time. That gal is Gen X. And can we talk about Gunnar slapping base in that song? Swoon time, bitches.

Juliette recovers from her trauma and Darius tells her “You just changed your life. You have all of the time in the world.” Happiest time in her life, my ass. She tells Darius that her mother keeps taking even from beyond the grave. Darius explains that as humans, we come to think of that type of treatment as love. So, no, Sigmund Freud, we do not. He also claims Juliette has to break that cycle and realize she deserves to be loved. This is all manipulation, my lovelies. Where is the weird chicken sacrifice?

According to the previews for next week, Jessie and Deacon finally boink, so maybe something to look forward to next week?

 

 

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "Where the Night Goes" (Season 6 Episode 5)

NASHVILLE recap: "That's My Story" (Season 6 Episode 4)

NASHVILLE recap: "Jump Then Fall" (Season 6 Episode 3)