NASHVILLE recap: “I Feel Sorry For Me”

1669
nashville-season-3-photos-4 edit.jpg

Sadie Stone is the new it-girl in town. She’s like an unsigned Kasey Musgraves, even if she looks like the gorgeous Chely Wright, and both Jeff and Rayna want her for their record labels. Even though Rayna is burning the candle at both ends, she will do what it takes to get Sadie. (Tip from me: Keep her away from anything having to do with Ruke.) Plus, since Juliette is obviously otherwise occupied, we need someone else to fill her angst-riddled Pradas.

Rayna gallivants over to host a benefit at her kids’ school and Mike Curb … errr, I mean Jeff hops on stage as a new patron and donates a check for 25 grand toward building the school a professional recording facility.

A special request to Nashville writers: Can we please have more musical numbers with Daphne and Maddie? Those two girls are the real deal. It also becomes immediately obvious that Jeff wants the two girls on his label and he bids on a golf date with Mayor Daddy Teddy at the school’s silent auction.

Rayna meets with Sadie at … the Ryman Auditorium?!?! Really? Heads of record labels don’t make deals on the stage of an empty Ryman Auditorium. Rayna promises her a wiggle room record deal and a spot as an opener on her tour. So the two ladies then go where all the other record deal talks go down: a bridal shop.

Once there, the Nashville paparazzi (a/k/a TMZ and O&AN) has caught on to Rayna’s wedding dress fitting and are camped outside the door. Before we go any further: the dress is hideous. It looks like Cleopatra draped in a tiramisu lady finger. Bonus: Rayna says that “Ruke” is a four letter word.

Ahem, so is Luke.

The two ladies then make a run for it in Sadie’s Ford Mustang and a paparazzi chase ensues a la Thelma and Louise. COME ON! This is Rayna Jaymes (a/k/a Faith-Shania-Reba) and not Princess Diana. The car chase goes through some of that ridiculous construction on Music Row, the miracle being that they do it without slowing down.

For the first time in four episodes we first see Juliette NOT freaking out and she tells Glenn and Emily she is in the family way, but she tells them she’s not keeping the kid and orders them to secretly find a good adoption agency. Her cover story is that she is packing on some pounds to play Patsy Cline in her movie. (Are you listening, Scarlett?) Glenn immediately realizes Avery is the Honey bun of the little bun in the oven. But getting an adoption isn’t that easy in the state of Tennessee. However, in a perfect moment of ACTUAL reality, Glenn does find an adoption agency willing to look the other way… for a price. Has he thought of a career in politics?

Glenn heads over to try to talk some sense into Avery and we start to realize the daddy/daughter dynamic of Juliette and Glenn. Oh great. Like Juliette needs MORE parental issues.

At the golf game, Jeff tells Teddy his label is signing Sadie and that they are making the big announcement the following evening at her concert. Soon after, Rayna makes a mad dash over to talk Sadie out of it but is interrupted by a panicked call from Juliette who thinks she is losing the baby. At the doctor’s office, Juliette and Rayna learn it was a false alarm and the baby is strong. Juliette tearfully confesses she doesn’t know how to love a baby and she wants it to have a chance.

We find Deacon pulling a walk of shame after a one night stand with backup singer Pam. When she busts him, she tells him to relax a little and enjoy life. She later rags on him about his inordinate number of denim shirts. I’m starting to like this gal. After their gaggity-playful banter the entire episode, they end up going at it in a Laundromat. Ah, the romance. Those two make me miss Will and his beard. After the tumble on the dryer, they realize they’ve been left behind by their tour buses so they purchase a used motorcycle that’s just sitting at the gas station, and make it back to their tour. I would've happily volunteered to be Deacon’s crotch rocket. I am much cheaper.

Avery has forsworn everything else except for Madame Booze. The plotline would be much more exciting if that were the name of Nashville’s newest drag queen. Anyone? Is it just me or do you too see Deacon interfering and saving Avery a few episodes from now, given his AA grand poobah status?

When Avery ditches his shift at the Bluebird, Zoey tries to catch Gunnar to fill in, but instead finds him already at the Bluebird chatting with that skinny little Scarlett. This leads to Zoey later biting off Scarlett’s butt (what’s left of it) for sneaking around with Gunnar. Scarlett denies anything is going on, but then asks Zoey — because she's supposed to be Scar Scar’s bestie — why she didn’t beg her to stay in town when she was ready to leave for good? But Gunnar and bestie Scar step in at the last minute and plan a surprise going away on tour party for Zoey, renting out the Bluebird for the night. Seriously, this guy is going to GREAT lengths to keep around his Scarlett distraction.

Zoey later apologizes to Scarlett at the party for acting on her suspicions and they’re interrupted by Gunnar and Avery who are fighting because – surprise, surprise – Avery is hammered. After Avery is arrested, Zoey tries to pull Scarlett on stage to sing and Scarlett can’t handle it (I personally thought she was imploding) and runs off. We catch Scarlett hanging out in the food pantry at the Bluebird several times. Hunny, please, at least be snacking on something while you’re there before I call Sally Struthers.

Juliette later goes to Glenn, who we finally get to see without those AWFUL hair plugs, and admits she’s scared and needs a shoulder to cry on. Juliette next shows up to bail Avery out of the clink and he once again craps all over her and makes her feel as bad as he does.

At Sadie’s show, Rayna has made it just in time to talk her into signing with Highway 65. Flash to quick shot of Jeff looking all pissy before Rayna steps on stage to perform with Sadie. Backstage, Jeff confronts Rayna and she gets to tell him “You’re a thief. And a whore” but from what we can tell, she don't know the least of it.

It’s a Music Row war! And I’ll bet it’s not the first time Jeff went down on Music Row.

 

 

See also:

NASHVILLE recap: "I Can't Get Over You to Save My Life" (season 3 episode 3)

NASHVILLE recap: "I Feel Sorry for Me" (season 3 episode 4)

NASHVILLE recap: "Road Happy" (season 3 episode 5)