We first find Puke hanging out at the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum with Xtina Aguilera (Jade St. John) and we learn that Jade is a huge country music fan and wants to make a country album. To get her label on board with the idea, she wants Puke to duet with her. Puke makes a bunch of excuses why he can’t, but invites her to some big charity event that night.
Juliette arrives home after her last minute trip to Los Angeles. Ya know, where she left town without saying anything to her husband and left her newborn daughter with a nanny? Yeah. Anyone called child protective services yet? Anyway, there’s no time to waste. Juliette doesn’t even give that baby a second look because she has to get ready for the big charity gala. Avery tries talking to her, but let’s face it. How do you reason with someone whose head has been up their own ass since puberty?
A happy romance is in full swing between Will and the hottie songwriter Kevin and the scene of them lying in bed in their skivvies is HAWT DAMN! But things aren’t rosy for long when Kev tells Will he is taking a date to the big fundraiser. Kev asked the other guy to the event a month ago, but Will pretends to shrug it off. Now maybe Will had just a little taste of what he put Layla through.
Sherpa Scarlett and Gunnar are auditioning a third wheel to be in their trio since Avery left to be a responsible parent to his baby. But Scarlett isn’t happy with any of the prospects. She points out that one hopeful mumbles a lot and she can’t understand him.
Oh, Scarlett, touché, honey. Touché.
So the red carpet for this big gala (called the Note by Note Music in Education fundraiser) and Juliette (with poor Glenn in tow) is soaking up the attention. But her spotlight is quickly diminished when Puke shows up with Fake St. John and the reporters scramble to talk to them and snap photos. When Puke spots Deacon and Rayna waltzing in with Daphne and Maddie, he pulls Xtina a little closer after demurely telling the press they are “just friends.” What have I told you Nashville writers about Rayna and Puke running into one another? I don’t accidentally run into my own boyfriend this often and we share the same bed!
Anywhoville, Deacon gets a call before taking a turn on the red carpet and it’s his doctor. They found him one of them there livers. So, Rayna, Brattie and Deacon split, leaving Daph with Mayor Teddy, who was one of the mucky mucks who put together this charity shindig. And since my liver isn’t in any danger (yet), it’s time for more wine. Yes already.
Scarlett gets word about Deacon’s transplant surgery and since her car won’t start, she gets a ride from Gunnar. As Gunnar drops her off, she runs into Dr. Hottiepants (Caleb) who tells her the liver Deacon is getting couldn’t be a more perfect match. She plants a happy kiss on him and drives that knife a little deeper into Gunnar’s heart.
Back at the big event, Juliette is pissed that Layla and Creepy (AKA: Jeff) are sitting at the same table as her. When Jeff sees Juliette, he tells her it’s been awhile and then asks “When are you going to have that baby?” Just ONCE (and I hope this never happens again) I am #TEAMCREEPY
Puke leaves Xtina with Will and the two begin to chat until Layla comes along and the gals start gabbing about Creepy. Being the smart one, Will offers to get them a drink and splits. Like me, Will’s upchuck reflex must be weak when Jeff is the topic of conversation.
Avery is back home griping about his situation to his mom, but she ain’t no Mary Poppins. She tells Avery that he and Juliette and the baby have needs and that playing the blame game isn’t going to solve anything. I like this woman. Maybe she can smack Juliette around a bit. A TV mother-in-law we can love for once.
Back at the hospital, Deacon has a low grade fever and that might be trouble for his impending surgery. If what is causing the fever is serious, he might not be able to get the liver and that news sends Brattie storming out of the room. Scarlett pulls Dr. Hottiepants aside to see if he can do something and he explains that he won’t compromise his integrity and lie to the surgical team about Deacon’s condition and he wishes she wouldn’t have suggested he do that, especially since they are in a relationship. OKAY, can we just go ahead and change Scarlett’s name to victim? She walks away crying more than any character on this show.
Brokenhearted that she wouldn’t be performing after Rayna and Brattie left the gala, Daphne gets a second chance when Teddy arranges for her to perform with Luke for the show’s opening number.
In the bathroom, Juliette runs into Layla and you knew the claws wouldn’t be kept retracted for long. As Juliette begins to pee all over Layla’s corner, Jade has been listening and slinks out of a stall to defend Layla. In classic Juliette fashion, she responds with “Sorry. I don’t remember anybody talking to you” and pops out of there with her tail in the air. But don’t worry, kittens. You know this is just the build up to a fierce fancy feast.
Will finally finds Kevin and Puke proposes a toast to all of the good music they have made together. They are interrupted by Kev’s hot date and Will… poor Will. This is probably his first love and he is trying not to be all Maddie about it. Just don’t be Puke about it and all will be well.
Gunnar finds his way to Deacon’s hospital room to give Scarlett her car keys. The love sick Gunn Gunn put a new battery in her car. The gals aren’t around and the guys begin to chat and it takes Gunnar bringing up a point about Charlie Brown that makes Deacon realize he should never give up hope.
Avery arrives at the fundraiser, surprising Juliette, where the top auction item was a command performance from any of the artists attending the event. Juliette is convinced she will be the one receiving the top bid and for good reason because Bucky is first with a first bid of 25 grand on her behalf. But Jade pipes in offering 50 G’s for Layla. Bucky and Jade bid back and forth until Bucky bows out at 200 thousand bucks. Juliette forces Avery to begin bidding until Jade bids a cool half a million for Layla and the auction ends. As Layla happily takes the stage, we see Juliette pounding her drink… errr… lapping her milk.
After Layla performs, Jade invites her to open for the rest of her tour, but their love fest is interrupted by Juliette strolling by. When Xtina tries to get Juliette on #TEAMLAYLA, Juliette strikes, telling her she is a phony and doesn’t belong in Nashville. Instead of being the diva that she is, Jade runs away crying, depriving me of the cat fight I have been anticipating since last week. I haven’t been this disappointed since, well, I realized they were making a show about Nashville that wasn’t even close to the reality that is Nashville.
The wait continues for Deacon, who, along with Rayna, explain to Scarlett that making music with Gunnar might be painful and unpredictable, but it makes for the best songwriting. As they tie up Scarlett’s little life lesson with a pretty pink bow, Dr. Hottiepants comes in and explains Deacon has been cleared for surgery.
Puke chases Xtina down and consoles her by offering to show her the real Nashville. So, he’s taking her to a Cool Springs Starbucks to eavesdrop on soccer moms bragging about how they would NEVER let their kids attend Davidson County schools?
Though Layla’s offer to open for Jade should be good news for Creepy, he hates the idea and tells Layla that it won’t be happening. He warns Layla that Jade has a history of using people to get what she wants. Ummm, so does every other person in the music business, Jeff. Haven’t you been paying attention? Try checking a mirror, son.
Back at home, Avery and Juliette are fighting and then Avery gives Juliette a big old dose of truth serum. He tells her how out of line and selfish she was in trying to make the charity event about her when it was actually to help music education in schools. In the process of their arguing, they wake the baby. As Juliet stands there, Avery goes to take care of the kid. And yes, they make up with Juliette apologizing – and NO. JUST – NOT AGAIN! She always acts like an egomaniacal narcissist and Avery forgives her. His patience with her is as believable as Creepy truly being concerned for Layla.
Puke actually takes Jade to the Bluebird where she is immediately called up on stage to perform. So, this will apparently be how she gets her country credentials by wowing them at the Bluebird? Obviously, because moving to Nashville as an unknown and earning your stripes musically only worked for most country superstars out there.
Back at the hospital, Deacon’s transplant is a no go. Doctors found cancer on the donor’s lungs and didn’t want to risk donating the liver. Anyone here wish he needed a heart transplant? Creepy could donate his heart to Deacon because he doesn’t use it.
Walking Jade back to her hotel room, Puke learns she had a big old crush on him as a kid and that prompts him to kiss her and they mosey on into her room together. I guess anything is a step up from Jeff. Even Rayna’s sloppy seconds.
Layla finds Creepy moping around his favorite bar and explains she isn’t going to turn into Jade and throw him away. However, she is still going on tour with her. She does, however, say she can’t continue her career without him. Then they start kissing and I had to turn the channel or else I was going to lose my dinner.
Helping me keep the cookies tucked neatly in my belly was Will paying a late night visit to Kevin where he (on the verge of tears) explains how he has never felt like this before and seeing Kevin with another guy was hard to take (no pun intended, girls.) So, he asks that he and Kevin be exclusive until he gets his feelings worked out. Kevin agrees and invites him in. #TEAMKEVIN
Coming off the downer of Deacon’s news, Scarlett and Dr. Hottiepants make up after she and Gunnar agree to continue as a duo together.
Feeling a little left out of the Deacon-Brattie-Rayna sandwich, Daphne asks Teddy if she can live with him. On the flip side of the coin, Deacon and Brattie can’t deal with another blow and Rayna makes her way to the hospital chapel to have a talking and pleading with Jesus.
Not to worry, lovelies… Christina Aguilera is back next week and let’s hope she isn’t truly declawed.
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