We are BACK, my lovelies! Let’s cuddle up with our favorite bottle of wine and be prepared to drink it all in honor of fake, on-screen Nashville.
Get out the barf bags because it’s the Rayna/Deacon wedding episode, but the show makes up for it with how HAWT Deacon looks in that tuxedo. I just started undressing for no reason. Come to mama!
But, remember they’re big stars, and in fake Nashville, the wedding details are a closely held secret thanks to Bucky running interference with the press. Okay, so seriously, we all know celebrities move to Nashville because the natives, for the most part, respect the privacy of the superstars. Someone might want to pass that along to the writers.
At the wedding rehearsal by a lake, Daphne isn’t thrilled with the impending nuptials. At the rehearsal dinner at the Bluebird Cafe, Scarlett tries to help Deacon with his nerves. And speaking of help, NO ONE tried to help this girl with her accent during the down time? Am I going to have to show up on her doorstep with a stick of celery and an oversized wool poncho?!?!
Anyway, Daphne and Maddie sing a song for the happy couple. It’s beautiful, but Daphne is still a bit put off and stops singing in the middle of the performance. If this brat is turning into Maddie, I’m going to need a bottle of something stronger. Anywho, when Deacon, Rayna, Maddie, Tandy and Daphne leave by sneaking out the back, the paparazzi bombard them with photos and questions. When one rude noodle asks Maddie which father is the worst, the criminal or the drunk, I die laughing and Deacon slugs him. Deacon’s reaction gives Madds second thoughts about her father and his temper. Remember she saw him trashing his sister’s room last season?
Avery is still a bit uncomfortable with Juliette’s supervised visits with their spawn. Of course, Emily is being the sappy, sweet, gaggy, nice girl she always is and tries to talk Avery into visiting our favorite mother of the year. Oh- and now Avery has to lie to the world about why Juliette can’t be present for any of the events she should be attending, like Rayna and Deacon’s wedding.
Back at Rayna’s place, the soon-to-be-newlyweds learn the press have discovered the location of their ceremony. But, some new gal who appears to be Rayna’s manager or personal assistant has a barn-type event space they can use. It’s especially heartbreaking for Rayna who picked the initial lakeside spot because it was her mother’s favorite place.
Since Will dissed Wade Cole, who I will now be calling Captain Jerkface, he has been bad mouthing our sweet Wilma to other songwriters and its costing Will his publishing career. So, he doesn’t want to attend the wedding and Avery and Gunnar will have to go without him.
It’s the morning of the wedding and Daphne won’t get out of bed and now Maddie wants to confront Rayna about Deacon’s temper. Could we maybe have done this episode without the moody teenager and pre-teen? This show could use a little less out-of-control hormones.
Deacon arrives at the wedding barn to confront Rayna about the daughter attitudes and instead of being reassured, he leaves all upset. When did Deacon turn into Juliette? I thought she was the queen of storming out of buildings or rooms? This might be a good time for Puke to show up and have an uncomfortable moment with Rayna. Ya know, for old times sake?
As guests arrive to the ceremony, their cell phones are confiscated and that’s when we see the wedding guest cameo from Jay DeMarcus of Rascal Flatulence, who asks Avery about Juliette.
Layla is back in town for the big event and tells Bucky she doesn’t blame herself for Creepy’s death. She barely has a chance to step inside when Colt (AKA: Puke, Junior) approaches her.
Gunnar finds Scarlett songwriting at the wedding venue and has to talk her into chilling out. He drags her to the bar and tries to find her a love interest amongst the guests. And he somehow manages to get her into a conversation with a taxidermist. Well, now she has someone to help her with her Sherpa outfits. But, no time to waste. They’ve got to get ready to perform at the ceremony.
Tandy gets Daphne to the ceremony where Rayna asks the little terror about not feeling well. Daphne says she feels like the fourth wheel of the family and then blurts out how neither she nor Tandy thinks Rayna should marry Deacon. Good timing, there, Daph Daph. Good timing. When Rayna confronts Tandy, she tells her to leave if she doesn’t support her decision to marry Deacon. Of course, Tandy stays. (Insert eye roll here.)
Cash, Frankie’s daughter, finds Maddie and they have a little “daughters with alcoholic fathers” pep talk. Then, Frankie conveniently finds Deacon and gives him a pep talk. Oh, Nashville writers. You excel in causing little dramas and then tying them up in neat, little, ridiculous bows.
Colt tells Layla he witnessed what happened to Jeff at the hotel rooftop. He tells her the real story of Juliette going to jump and Creepy saving her life and, in turn, falling to his death. When Layla hears the news, she runs to the restroom and pukes. What is it about this show and women rushing to the bathroom to get sick all over the place?
Speaking of things that make you want to vomit, Avery is plied with question after question about Juliette from wedding guests, causing him to grab an extra drink or two. I am with you, Avery. I am about to pop open my eleventeenth bottle.
Rayna gathers brat number one and brat number two into her dressing room to hash out their Deacon issues. After they, once again, get the little drama solved, Rayna’s new assistant chick interrupts and declares Deacon is missing. And about a minute later, Deacon arrives and tells Rayna to put on her dress. Are they trying to get me to hate Deacon? The cheese factor of this show just went up again and I didn’t think that was possible.
Rayna’s dress is pretty and not at all like the monstrosity she was going to wear if she had married Puke. I kind of wish they had gotten married, but then I wouldn’t get to see Deacon looking sexy in that tuxedo.
At the reception, Layla finds Avery at the bar and introduces herself. Avery gives her the BS excuse he has been giving everyone about Juliette. When Rayna walks over to say hi, he is clearly shaken up and has a full blown panic attack.
The newlyweds leave the reception and go to Deacon’s house where he sings to her and they consummate the marriage and blah blah blah.
Gunnar’s attempts to fix up Skinny Scarlett failed miserably and she admits to him she misses having a special someone in her life. Oh, good gravy. You have to keep one meant-to-be couple apart on this show, so it might as well be these two killjoys.
Later, we see Layla meeting with Glenn, who she hires to be her manager. She wants to make a whole new album and wants Avery to produce it. Oh, Layla. I like you SO MUCH MORE now that you are an evil bitch.
While we know Juliette is indeed back this season, that yummy Derek Hough is also returning, so we have that to look forward to, my sweeties.
Get a case of vino ready for next week and I will see you then because anything is better than watching the trainwreck that is the GOP Primary.
NASHVILLE recap: "We've Got Nothing But Love to Prove" (season 4 episode 10)
NASHVILLE recap: "Forever and For Always" (season 4 episode 11)
NASHVILLE recap: "How Does It Feel to Be Free" (season 4 episode 12)