Honey Let’s Talk: Sage Advice from Sister Eunice B. Kidden

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Dear Sister Eunice,

I have the best boyfriend in the world.  I love him so much.  We’ve been together for several years and I couldn’t be happier.  The problem is that now he wants to have an open relationship.  And I don’t know if I can do it.  Logic tells me I know he loves me and that we’re together, but as soon as he leaves for a hook-up my heart breaks.  I’m not one of these cool people that can just be in an open relationship, and I guess that makes me emotionally immature or something, but I can’t help how I feel.  I’m also afraid that if I draw the line and say no more to the open part, I’ll lose him completely.  What should I do?

One (Is the Loneliest Number)

 

Dear One (Is the Loneliest Number),

Darling, if that’s not what you want in a relationship you have every right to voice it.  And it doesn’t make you uncool or emotionally immature – it means you know yourself and know what you want.  Open relationships are not easy and despite the climate that seems to be permeating gay male culture at the moment they’re not for everyone.  The first thing I would recommend is really exploring how you feel – forget other gay men, forget long held societal norms about relationships, forget past relationships – just concentrate on you and how you feel.  The next thing to do is TALK!  Talk to your partner about how you feel.  Be honest and direct.  And take the word ‘but’ out of everything you are saying.  ‘I want you to be happy BUT this hurts my feelings’ – just say ‘This hurts my feelings.’  We try so often to soften our words and intentions when talking about such serious things, and it doesn’t help.  It confuses your partner and it confuses you.  At the end of the conversation it should be crystal clear how you both feel.  Another recommendation is trying a relationship counselor, someone to help guide both of you through the process, no matter what that process is.  The most important thing is your happiness.  A relationship is wonderful and fulfilling, but if you are unhappy it’s pointless.  I hope this helps, darlin’!

 

Dear Sister Eunice,

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years.  I have dated women for many years but this is my girlfriend’s first lesbian relationship.  Early on when we were dating I confessed that I was attracted to a friend of hers in what I thought was a really non-aggressive way.  I had no intention of cheating.  But she flipped out.  It took forever to move on.  Then a few weeks ago she tells me that she’s cheated several times.  Should I forgive her?  Should we break up?

Heartache For Everyone

 

Dear Heartache for Everyone,

Well honey, I got the information, but you’re the only one who can answer your questions.  People make mistakes.  People make lots of mistakes.  You’ve made mistakes, I’ve made mistakes, and your girlfriend has made mistakes.  We’re human.  I’d forget about the incident from the beginning of your relationship.  I don’t think it has anything to do with the rest of your problem other than a perceived one-up on your part.  The main question is do you love her?  Love can be a powerful motivator for forgiveness.  As for whether you can ever trust her again, that’s another one for you and you alone.  Don’t let your hurt feelings confuse you.  There will always be hurt associated.  That’s part of it.  If you can cope with that hurt, you’ll find that it doesn’t control your other emotions if you don’t let it.  But again, you are the only one that can answer these questions, as you’re the only one who knows your heart.  I would at least try to move past it.  Love is a terrible thing to waste.  I hope this helps, darlin’!

 

Dear Sister Eunice,

My boyfriend and I are both seniors in high school.  We’ve been dating since the eighth grade.  I know it sounds like we’re really young, but he’s the one I want to be with, and he feels the same way about me.  I’ve never even kissed another boy.  But the school year is almost over which means it’s time for college.  The problem is he doesn’t want to go to college and can’t come live with me or even to the same town where I’ll be going in the fall.  And I don’t know what to do.  We haven’t had sex yet because we were afraid our parents would make us break up if they found out.  Should I go to the college I wanted and try a long distance relationship?  Won’t he cheat on me if we haven’t had sex yet?  Should I try and get into a school here?  Should I skip college all together and just get a job so we can start our lives together?  What if he doesn’t want to go to college so he has an excuse to break up with me?  We’ve waited so long to really be together, I can’t lose him now.

A Teenager in Love

 

Dear Teenager in Love,

Lawdy, I just wanna gather you up in my bosoms, tell you it will all be alright, and then film your life story as a compelling after-school drama starring David Archuleta and …. David Archuleta.  But seriously, darlin’, the best advice I can give is to follow your heart, do what is best for you, and just relax.  Don’t give up school for a boy, and don’t despair if he can’t wait for you.  You’ve already started your life together; it’s happening right now and has been happening since the beginning.  Being young doesn’t take away from the time you’ve been together or from the feelings you have for each other.  Life is going to happen and it doesn’t always happen the way we think it should.  Sometimes it does.  The best thing to do is live each day for your dreams.  Don’t deny yourself a single opportunity for anyone.  People always say that at the end of life the biggest regret is the things we didn’t do and I always think the next biggest would be the time we spent worrying about anything and everything.  In the meantime, if you think you’re ready for sex, and he thinks he’s ready for sex, and you’ve done all those other thoughtful and responsible things like really thinking about it and blah blah blah – then yes!!  I say get to cracking and spend the time before college being the little lusty bunnies you are meant to be.  And to get you started out right I’m sending you a 500 Condom variety pack and the 5 gallon Jumbo Lube from Blamo.  That should get you through the first few hours, at least.  I hope this helps, darlin’!!

 

Alright, lovelies, it looks like that’s all the time we have for this edition.  Remember my advice is novelty at best and all serious medical and emotional issues should be treated by a licensed professional. 

Do you have questions for Sister Eunice? Email them to [email protected] and look for your question in next month’s edition of Honey Let’s Talk.  Until then, take care of yourself and each other.  And remember to smile – your smile could make someone’s day and it makes you feel good, so it’s a win-win.

Sister Eunice B. Kidden is a fully-professed member of the Music City Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a charitable 501c3.  For more information about the Sisters go to musiccitysisters.org.