Cocky, Hustler and September


Ahhh…can you feel it? Fall is in the air. The leaves are crisp and beginning to fall to the ground making mounds that need to be raked, but it isn’t a big deal because the heat index is beginning to take an ass-whooping from the cool autumn air. Being outside doing chores becomes pleasant again with the reduction of the humidity and my newly added packer tool of a Honda gas leaf blower. I get to take off my music industry executive clothes, strap on my REI work boots and blow leaves, mulch the flower beds and bask in all of my autumn seasoned packerness. Yep, I love Fall.

I have to confess, though, I’m a little worried that this September will not live up to my expectations. Usually, August is the worst month of the year, which is a beautiful way for September to be ushered in. In August, the heat is unbearable, all of the landscape is burnt up, people are mean and tired of sweating and the days are the longest of the year, never getting dark soon enough to go to bed and get out of the misery. But yes, August 2005 went down into this packer’s hall of fame of favorite months.

I’m not sure that it could have been much better for this lesbo living in Nashville. Two of my idols, two of the very men that seem to mentor my alter male ego, two of the most perfect and brilliant men in their chosen professions who lead the way and fight for our first amendment rights simply by speaking their hearts in beautiful art form: Kid Rock moved to Nashville and Larry Flynt brought his sexy Hustler Boutique to Nashville and then made a personal appearance. While I haven’t had the opportunity to stalk Kid Rock and see for myself in person the poet laureate of my heart and loins, I did get to see Larry (I can call him Larry because I’ve admired his work for so long and feel so close to him). He was a presence to behold in his gold-rimmed wheelchair and velour, zipped up sweat suit. It didn’t matter to me what he was wearing, all I could think was that this is a man who completely gets me; he and I share the same love for hot, naked, chicks. And no matter how many I’ve actually seen, this was a man who admired them so much that he put them into magazine collections, films and post cards. Yes, he is a true giant.

And Kid Rock, just knowing that there is a man who is as cocky as I am living on West End makes me happy. For years I endured the negativity that was associated with my hardheadedness and cockiness, but now with Kid’s lyrics, he too has become a giant that has freed this packer to continue to be as cocky as I was born to be unapologetically. Sure it has gotten me into a few fights, arrested and fired. But it is also what landed me my wife. She couldn’t resist my dark eyes and my cocky attitude that pretty much demanded that she be with me. Yes, we were younger and leaner and I was stronger and meaner, but even still after all of these years if I want to get her into bed, I put on a Kid Rock CD, get all revved up and demand that she just can’t resist me.

As a matter of fact, I’m drinking coffee from a Hustler coffee mug and listening to a Kid Rock CD as I write this article so I’m feeling quite in the moment. So I suppose given that, I will demand that September be awesome this year. I will demand that the leaves fall as usual and the heat index take a bow and get the hell out of here until next summer. I will indeed approach September with all of the cockiness that I can muster. And if that doesn’t work, I guess I’ll just pull out a stack of Hustler magazines and read them instead of getting to blow leaves. On second thought…blowing leaves really isn’t that great compared to looking at naked women!

Happy Fall Ya’ll… Live and Love Equally!