3 Fruit Flies


The Fruit Fly. She’s your go-to girl. The one you shop and gossip with. The one you hit the bars with. The one who listens to all of your homodrama. So you’d better make her gift a good one. And the best thing about shopping for her? It doesn’t matter if you give her a gift late. She knows you run on gay time.

The idea is the Fruit Fly Bible: “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys: True Tales of Love, Lust, and Friendship Between Straight Women and Gay Men” by Melissa de la Cruz and Tom. A collection of essays from a variety of writers all on the topic of the best relationship a lady will ever have.

All of the pieces will probably speak to some part of both of you, so you should get two copies and keep one for yourself to remind you how lucky you are to have such an amazing creature in your life. Also, it may be a good idea to bundle this with a box of tissues. It’s touching, OK?

The next is the TV series with introduced the world to the ultimate story of a girl and her gay: “Will & Grace: The Complete Series.” It ran for eight seasons and won a ton of Emmy’s and Golden Globes because everyone loves a fruit fly.

So whether she’s a Grace Adler or a Karen Walker, get her this eight-disc collection to complete her home homo theatre. Unless she already has it. Which she probably does. Because it’s kind of her life story. So maybe check on that first.

Last but certainly not least is Vodka of the Month Club. Is it pricey? Yes. But this isn’t just your average Stoli or Skyy or, God forbid, Skol, either, so only reserve this gift for your very best bitch.

And this is the gift that keeps on giving. Because who is she going to call up every month when that pretty little package lands on her doorstep? That’s right. It’s the gifting circle of life. And after all “It’s Christmas, for goodness sake. Think about the baby Jesus … up in that tower, letting his hair down … so that the three wise men can climb up and spin the dradel and see if there are six more weeks of winter.” Oh Karen Walker always says it best.